We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
