So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
