drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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