I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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