So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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