Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
