I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
