I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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