Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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