hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
