nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
