I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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