mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
