apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
