True but thats because hes a fetus.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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