i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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