like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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