Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
