wrigley field is MILF paradise
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
