I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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