I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
