Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
