I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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