Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
