I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
