watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
