i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
