Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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