So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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