Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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