Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
