You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
