I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
