this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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