He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Im part way to drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
