none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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