i think i have two assholes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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