Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
