Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
