I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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