I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
