i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just had sex on a roof
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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