Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
