The maid of honor just puked.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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