OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
