I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
