The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize