He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize