Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
