i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Say something about gay babies.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
