plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
