Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
