another moral hangover. fuck.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
