Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
