I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
North Korea, Best Korea!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I AM VODKA MAN
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
