you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
