Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so that wasnt chicken after all
I accidentally burped into my bong.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
