We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Success! We fucked roommates!
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