2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
