i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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