i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
