I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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