Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
