I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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