You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize