well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
