dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
