I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
