She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
