I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
