ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
