I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
