I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
