I want to make a zoo with you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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