Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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