Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
