this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
